Top Ten Reasons I Wish I Were Canadian

Today may not be Sunday, but it’s still time for a Top! Ten! Countdown! Because today is the Canadian general election, I thought it would be fitting to count down the top ten reasons why I wish I were Canadian right now. I’ll get right into it. Countdown number ten!

A comparison of egg prices between the USA and Canada. Image taken from Buzzfeed.

10: CHEAPER EGGS

While running for President in 2024, Donald Trump promised that he’d make eggs cheap again. Needless to say, this has not happened. Thanks to the bird flu epidemic that he’s put RFK Jr. in charge of dealing with (which is like putting an oil executive in charge of the EPA…oh wait), egg prices in the United States have instead hit an all-time high. My local grocery store was limiting customers to three egg cartons apiece the last time I was there. Meanwhile, thanks to Canada’s sane and responsible leadership, egg prices there are hardly affected if at all. Lots of Canadians have been flaunting this on r/Pics, and they’ve got a right to do that. Of course, this is going to pale in comparison to the human pandemic that’s sure to come with bird flu, but what do I know? To be clear, this is only at number ten because I don’t tend to eat eggs frequently on their own. Still, though, this is shameful. Countdown number nine!

Logo for Canada’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission. Image taken from Wikipedia.

9: BETTER RELATIONSHIPS WITH INDIGENOUS PEOPLE

I’m sure many of us remember the discovery of indigenous gravesites in Canada in 2021. This only highlighted something those paying attention already knew, which is that Canada historically treated indigenous people horribly. But the key word there is historically. Nowadays, with their Truth and Reconciliation Commission, the Canadian government under former Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has formally apologized for the colonial crimes. Now, could you say that much of this is performative? Sure. But that’s a hell of a lot more than I see Donald Trump doing. Canada embraces their indigenous heritage; the 2010 Winter Olympics in British Columbia highlighted this heritage front and center. If the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics even happen at this point, Trump will make them all about himself. Countdown number eight.

Leaders of Canada’s major political parties debate in a very cordial, orderly manner. Image taken from the New York Times.

8: MORE CIVIL POLITICAL DEBATES

In Canada, people are far less polarized, as evidenced by the roughly 30-point comeback that the Liberals were able to achieve after Justin Trudeau stepped down as the leader of their party. But it’s not just in terms of political partisanship that Canadians are less polarized. Up there, politics doesn’t run people’s lives as much. It’s not frowned upon for a Liberal to be best friends with someone who votes for the Conservatives. Now, personally, it’s hard for me to be friends with a Republican, so I’m one to talk. But not having a two-party system (even if today’s election is largely seen as a choice between the two largest parties) goes a long way to reducing polarization. It probably helps that not as many people in Canada are armed, but more on that later. Countdown number seven!

Public transit map of Charlotte, NC versus Toronto, Ontario. Image taken from Vox.

7: BETTER CITIES

Now, I’m an avid viewer of the YouTube channel “Not Just Bikes”. He is originally from Canada, not the United States, but cities are even worse down here. In general, most Canadian cities are better than American cities, though I’ll admit this is like going from an F to a D. There’s got to be a reason NJB considered Montreal the best city in North America as opposed to Boston. Toronto and Vancouver, the two cities where lots of people (especially new immigrants) are moving to, both have walkability and public transportation that would put any American city to shame. Oh yeah, and speaking of immigrants, Canada is a “mosaic”, not a “melting pot”. This means that peoples’ countries of origin are celebrated far more, and there’s probably no shortage of amazing ethnic restaurants in a city of any size. Countdown number six!

Wikipedia thumbnail for Lake Louise in Alberta, Canada.

6: BETTER NATURE

I’m aware that the United States is famous for its national parks and national forests. I’m not going to deny that. But Canada has just as much untouched nature given that its population density is a hell of a lot lower than ours. My parents actually chose the Canadian Rockies for their 1993 honeymoon as opposed to the American Rockies. The difference, however, is that the American nature is ruined by parking lots, meaning that you need a car to experience it, and that damages the environment. This is to say nothing of Trump’s efforts to encourage natural resource development on public lands. In Alaska, for instance, many politicians support drilling for oil in ANWR - and the WR stands for Wildlife Refuge. Seriously, how can anyone think that’s a good idea unless they’re in the pockets of Big Oil? Meanwhile, Canada’s national parks are pristine and aren’t covered in trash every time there’s a government shutdown, partly because there are no government shutdowns. Countdown number five!

Rabid Trump supporters. Image taken from the New Yorker.

5: A SANE ELECTORATE

Yes, there are some crazy people in Canada. The difference is that half the population there hasn’t totally lost their ever-loving minds. I remember seeing a poll that suggested only 21% of Canadians would vote for Trump prior to the 2024 election. Now that Trump’s threatening to annex their country, this number would likely be far lower. And that’s the other thing - people change their minds there. Prior to Trump’s election and Trudeau’s resignation as Prime Minister, the Conservatives were enjoying polling leads at north of twenty percentage points. Now the Liberals are several points ahead on average, simply because Canadians are smarter than Americans. If a Canadian politician ran on repealing the policy that’s discussed in the next segment, they’d instantly lose their seat. Voters there aren’t fools, and the same can’t be said here. Countdown number four.

A blood pressure cuff. Image taken the Chinook Medical Gear website.

4: FREE HEALTH CARE

Okay, so technically health care isn’t free in Canada. It’s paid for via taxes, because it’s seen as a public good there. And if you ask me, or the overwhelming majority of the Canadian population, that’s a good thing. Health care is a human right, or at least it should be. I cannot imagine the peace of mind that comes from knowing that if you have a health crisis, you don’t need to worry about going bankrupt as a result. I’m never going to say that it’s a perfect system in Canada, but if it wasn’t way better than what we have in the States, type 1 diabetics wouldn’t hop over the border for insulin. Additionally, that show about the chemistry teacher who cooks meth to pay his medical bills, often seen as some of the best TV ever made, would not be nearly as popular if it were set in Canada. It just wouldn’t be believable. This humorous video imagines Breaking Bad if it were set in Canada. Spoiler alert: It’s pretty short. Countdown number three.

Mark Carney, Canadian Prime Minister. Image taken from NPR.

3: I COULD BE PROUD

This one’s pretty simple. Rather than having Donald Trump, a complete and total humiliation, as the representative of our country, I could have the highly respectable Mark Carney, who’s perfectly progressive on every issue I care about. There’s a reason Canadians are near-totally united against Trump’s “51st state” threats, whereas half of Americans would defect to Canada given the opportunity. Ever since Trump won in 2024, I’ve been drowning in guilt and shame at everything he’s been doing, and it’s not going to end any time soon. Even if Trump one day leaves office (which is far from guaranteed - I’m convinced he’ll live to be 100), America’s international reputation will never be restored to its former glory. My mental health would be a lot better, since I wouldn’t feel like a total laughingstock and pariah every time I go on Reddit. Even if Pierre Poilievre wins today’s election, Canada will still be a beautiful proud nation, as they should be. Countdown number two.

Police tape. Image taken from Amazon.

2: GUN CONTROL

This one is also pretty self-explanatory. Mass shootings rarely occur in Canada, and when they do, the gun was usually smuggled in from the United States. But if I were Canadian, I would not have had to attend active-shooter drills in school. I would be able to attend sporting events, concerts, restaurants, and other public gatherings without worrying that some maniac with an AR-15 could walk in and slaughter all of us. Yes, mass shootings are a relatively small percentage of overall gun deaths in the United States. But even if you’re never in a school shooting or other mass gun violence event, the knowledge that they can happen anywhere in the country, even in a very familiar place you think of as safe, has an effect on you. I hate concerts for this reason and refuse to attend them, knowing that I might not survive them. Feeling safe in public is something no amount of money can buy. Countdown number one.

American schoolchildren pledging allegiance to the flag. Image taken from National Geographic.

1: THEY’RE NOT PERFECT, BUT THEY KEEP TRYING, ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT THEY SAID THEY WOULD DO

Growing up in America, I still remember the Pledge of Allegiance. Every morning in elementary school, we put a hand on our heart and faced the flag (which was in every classroom, mind you) and said the Pledge. In hindsight, that’s pretty creepy. And mind you, my county gave Kamala Harris 68 percent of the vote - this is not some redneck town in the middle of Trump Country. But in Canada, you’re not expected to pledge allegiance to the flag. You can criticize your own country, and nobody accuses you of being unpatriotic if you do. Canada admits what it’s done wrong, which is why they solve problems when they arise. If Sandy Hook, for instance, had happened in Canada, they would have passed even stricter gun laws (and stricter border controls against the USA) faster than you could say the killer’s name. You might think you love your country, but if you can’t criticize it and want to make it a better place, do you really care about it? 

Thank you for reading. Follow me on BlueSky at @snowlabrador.